For Those Left Behind
by KirikaClyne
Summary: Pre-Mass Effect one-shot in the Paragade universe. Alexis Shepard has come back to Vancouver to take care of some unfinished business. Disclaimer: Obviously I own nothing. All hail BioWare!


**For Those Left Behind**

Rain...it always seemed to rain in this city. She remembered days of being soaked through to her skin and so cold she thought she'd never feel warm or dry ever again. Although today she had to admit that the weather not only matched her mood, but also the task she'd embarked on.

Task...it was more than a little pathetic that she thought of it like that. Self loathing and anger bubbled just below the surface of her skin. Seeing your twin brother after almost five years should not feel like a chore. But to Alexis Shepard, who had avoided the city of Vancouver since she'd joined the Alliance, a chore was exactly what it was. Guilt warred with her desire to continue to run from the grief she'd fled for so long.

As the sky cab neared her destination, she took time to reflect on how different the city looked from the more affluent side of the 'tracks', as it were. The average person would never guess that there were gangs who controlled some of the streets here. Never guess that there were kids squatting, huddled for what little body heat they could share between them, inside buildings crawling with rats and roaches, buildings infested with mold whose roofs and floors teetered on the brink of collapse. Joining gangs and participating in street fights just to get some credits for food. People had a habit of turning a blind eye to those they saw as undesirable.

She sighed and ran a hand through her short, strawberry blond hair. Then again, maybe she was just projecting her own experiences. She and Jon had chosen to live on the streets rather than be raised by someone other than their mother. They had chosen not to let anyone in, thinking that they knew better and could take care of themselves.

The sky cab driver coughed loudly, drawing her out of her memories and back into the rain soaked present. "We're here ma'am," he said gruffly, indicating the open gate to her right.

Alexis gulped as she read the sign over the gate. Mountain View Cemetery. She could feel the cabby watching her as she waved her omni-tool over the fare meter. His gaze softened a bit as she pulled the hood of her Alliance hoodie up and opened the door to step out.

"Would you like me to wait here for a bit, ma'am? That way you won't have to wait for a ride back." His voice lost a bit of its gruffness.

Alexis gave him a sad smile. "Thanks, but I'm not sure how long I'll be. This is my first visit and -"

"Say no more. I lost my wife a few years back, so I know how hard these visits can be. I'm off the clock in a couple of minutes anyway, so when you're done I'll give you a ride back to your hotel … no charge," he said, his voice full of compassionate understanding. Taken aback by his kindness, she gave him a grateful nod and stepped out into the rain.

She activated the map that she'd downloaded to her omni-tool and looked up at the rows of headstones before her. A shiver ran down her spine as she took in the varying shapes, sizes, and colours of markers left by the living to honor their lost loved ones. An old quote she'd once heard floated through her mind.

" _A grave is not simply a place to bury a body or ashes. A grave is necessary for the hearts of ones who are left behind."_

She inhaled deeply, squared her shoulders, and took the first step on a journey long overdue.

When she purchased the plot five years ago, she put a lot of care into the location. Sunset had always been Jon's favorite time of day, and she wanted him to be able to experience its beauty every day. Granted, his body wasn't actually there, but she liked to think that he knew she'd done all she could.

Time slowed and the air seemed to thicken as she neared the spot indicated on the map the curator had sent her all those years ago. What little food she had managed to eat before embarking on her journey felt as though it were being pushed back up by the traitorous butterflies that had started dancing in her stomach. She cursed the fluttering of their little wings as she inhaled deeply, taking small joy in the smell of the wet, freshly cut grass and the cleanliness of the cool mountain air. Every molecule of her being demanded she to turn and run back to the cab, insisted that it didn't matter if she ever visited the site, Jon wasn't there anyway. But her feet, her stubborn, unstoppable feet refused to concede continued to carry her forward and up the small hill towards her final objective.

Finally reaching the crest, she froze, feeling the world stop and shift its millenniums old rotation. Her mouth ran dry as a fresh flood of hot tears mixed with the cold raindrops sliding down her cheeks. A figure leaned against the headstone she sought, a figure whose lazy stance she would know anywhere.

"No, it isn't possible," she whispered, both desperate to believe and utterly terrified of what she was seeing. "I saw you die in that alley." But as she looked closer at him, something was different. There was a peace about him that she couldn't remember him having since before their mother had been killed.

Seeming to hear her thoughts, or perhaps the hammering of her overwrought heart, he turned his head to regard her, a mischievous smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. "About time you came to pay me a visit Lex. I was starting to think you'd forgotten about me."

She sank to her knees in front of the ornately carved stone and traced her fingers over the engraving.

Jon David Shepard  
April 11, 2154 to December 10, 2171  
Beloved brother and son

The sob she had been choking on finally escaped her throat as she gazed into the all too familiar green eyes of her twin. "Never," she whispered between her ever increasing sobs, finally allowing her defences to crumble and the memories to break free of the dam she'd locked them behind. "I carry you with me wherever I go."

* * *

 **Authors Notes:** Huge thanks to MizDirected for being such an awesomely fantastic beta! Also, that quote is from the Anime series "Inuyasha".


End file.
